The World According to....COWS

People, thier governments and work ethics as described by cows

• A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
• A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
• A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
• A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
• A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
• A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
• DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
• CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
• BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
• AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
• A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
• A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
• A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
• AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
• A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
• A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.
• A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.
• A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
• AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

• PURE DEMOCRACY - You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
• REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY - You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
• FEUDALISM - You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
• PURE SOCIALISM - You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
• BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM - You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
• FASCISM - You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
• PURE COMMUNISM - You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
• RUSSIAN COMMUNISM - You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
• CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM - You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
• DICTATORSHIP - You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
• BUREAUCRACY - You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
• PURE ANARCHY - You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
• ANARCHY-CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
• SURREALISM - You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
• OLYMPICS-ISM* - You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of trilling violins and state-of-the-art montage photography, John Tesh narrates the moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in a suburb with (gasp) divorced parents, then mentions in passing that the Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and watched its parents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the competition, severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and gets a multi-million-dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese cow is led out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials, though no one ever hears about it. McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot and fast at its Beijing restaurant.