Wise words from wise women
- I'm not offended by all the dumb blond jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blond. - Dolly Parton
- You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong
- I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours. - Rita Rudner
- I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job. -Roseanne
- My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner
- This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?" - Judy Tenuta
- I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman
- Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck
- I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. - Roseanne
- I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead. - Sue Kolinsky
- I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park. - Dolly Parton
- I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know THAT? - Wendy Liebman
- I think -- therefore I'm single. - Lizz Winstead
- "Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." - Hedy Lamarr
- "When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." - Elayne Boosler
- "I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." - Gilda Radner
- "Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." - Maryon Pearson
- "Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel." - Bella Abzug
- "In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman." - Margaret Thatcher
- "If I were going to convert to any religion I would probably choose Catholicism because it at least has female saints and the Virgin Mary." - Margaret Atwood
- "I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career." - Gloria Steinem
- "Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." - Gloria Steinem
- Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." - Katharine Hepburn
- "I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night." - Marie Corelli
- "Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths." - Baroness Edith Summerskill
- "If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" - Linda Ellerbee
- "I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
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Last Modified: December 23, 2006