In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else in the business.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please contact your manager. You will be immediately placed on the top of the S.H.I.T. list. Our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a position to train other employees. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).
Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).
If you have further questions, please director them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).
Thank you.
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Last Modified: December 23, 2006