Here they are all...50 rules for Men to follow and there are rules for women to follow towards the end as well.
1. Call.
2. Don't lie.
3. Never tape any of her body parts together.
4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
5. If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the
zoo rules: No Petting.
6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.
9 . Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass",
and "Bitch" are bad.
12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer or prettier.
15. Her cooking is excellent.
16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
17. Dish soap is your friend.
18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and
warm does not equal clean.
19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never
going to end that conversation.
21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
22. Two words: clean socks.
23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when
you're drunk.
24. Burping is not sexy.
25. You're wrong.
26. You're sorry.
27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your
cool car than you think she is.
28. Ditto for your discourse on football.
29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single
bound.
30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she
feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without
notice.
34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush.
You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.
36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her.
Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
41. Always, always suck up to her brother.
42. Think boxers.
43. Silk boxers.
44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
45. Don't try to change the way she dresses.
46. Her haircut is never bad.
47. Don't let your friends pick on her.
(please note that the following two have been mentioned not once, but
twice)
48. Call.
49. Don't lie.
50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact
that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on
your ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything
out.
Okay, guys. So the women have their little list of rules for men. I took it upon myself to create a similar list for the womenfolk.
1. It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on
the toilet UP when you are done.
2. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include
something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried,
Beer, and Red.
3. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall.
4. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine
bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins
deserving your contempt.
5. Shopping is not fascinating.
6. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is
only joking.
7. Unless the answer is yes.
8. In which case, can he videotape it?
9. If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.
10. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick
and/or tending the grill.
11. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the
room is not funny.
12. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.
13. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie
Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc. should be met with roughly
the same degree of praise a parent might give their infant when it walks
for the first time.
14. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
15. He heard you the first time.
16. You know, YOU can ask HIM out too... Let's spread the rejection
around a little.
17. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want
the answer to.
18. Of COURSE he wants another beer.
19. The guy doesn't ALWAYS have to sleep on the wet spot.
20. Dogs good. Cats bad.
21. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.
22. If he has to sit through "Legends of the Fall", you have to sit
through "Showgirls".
23. "Fine." is not an acceptible way to end an argument.
24. Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting
he stop for directions.
25. He was not looking at that other girl.
26. Well, okay... maybe a little.
27. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never
looked at another guy...
28. There is nothing inherently wrong with the word "cunt".
29. He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you
have ever met.
30. And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.
31. Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look
fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking.
32. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will NEVER fake an orgasm.
33. It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow
with him.
34. Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left
in the shower.
35. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine,
Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash
it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.
36. Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than
you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking
than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of
these people, love the one you're with.
37. Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them
all.
38. His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly
thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute.
39. Don't hog the covers.
40. Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until
the halftime show to act upon that...
41. He does not just want to be friends.
42. A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the
sentence: "You know, why don't we just skip the expensive dinner and stay
here having freaky circus sex all night?"
43. Just because this list doesn't have as many entries as yours doesn't
mean it's worse. SO GET OFF MY GOD DAMN BACK!
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Last Modified: December 23, 2006